Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
