smell my finger.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
