Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
