Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
