Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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