I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
