Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
