We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
