'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to make out with him forever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
