Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
