Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
