I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
