I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
