I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
