woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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