I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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