Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
