R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
