I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
