I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
