I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
