I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
