I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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