talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
