Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
