Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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