nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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