Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
