I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
