Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
