we have pet lesbian snakes
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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