I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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