nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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