Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
