wat bout pragnant strippers??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
