I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
