Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
