I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I deserve this hangover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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