my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk is a universal language darling
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