the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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