is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
