i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
