so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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