I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
