my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love accidental penises.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
