areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
