Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
