She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
