So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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