she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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