My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
