theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
