i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
