i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
