can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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