last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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