i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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