You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
