well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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